Math and bologna.

I’d just like to say something mathy…

Turkey bologna is highly processed, salty and delicious. When cooked it’s especially scrumptious when placed gently on individually wrapped square cheese slices.

There is a strong negative correlation (-0.8735) between perfect abs and turkey bologna consumption.

There is a modest negative correlation (-0.3449) between perfect abs and individually wrapped square cheese slice consumption.

When consumed together, the negative correlative to perfect abs is nearly a perfect (-1.0).

Thus, you can extrapolate from this data that I am bloaty, temporarily satiated, and literally barely hanging on to my no-red-meat New Year’s resolution.