I’d just like to say something mathy…
Turkey bologna is highly processed, salty and delicious. When cooked it’s especially scrumptious when placed gently on individually wrapped square cheese slices.
There is a strong negative correlation (-0.8735) between perfect abs and turkey bologna consumption.
There is a modest negative correlation (-0.3449) between perfect abs and individually wrapped square cheese slice consumption.
When consumed together, the negative correlative to perfect abs is nearly a perfect (-1.0).
Thus, you can extrapolate from this data that I am bloaty, temporarily satiated, and literally barely hanging on to my no-red-meat New Year’s resolution.